Small Enough - Nichole Nordeman

Oh, Great God, be small enough to hear me now.
There were times when I was crying from the dark of Daniel's den;
And I have asked you once or twice if You would part the sea again.
But tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky.
Just want to know you're gonna hold me if I start to cry.
Oh great God, be small enough to hear me now.

Oh great God, be close enough to feel You now.
There have been moments when I could not face Goliath on my own.
And how could I forget we've march around our share of Jerichos.
But I will not be setting out a fleece for You tonight.
Just want to know that everything will be alright.
Oh, great God, be close enough to feel You now.

All praise and all the honor be;
To the God of ancient mysteries.
Whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history.
But tonight my heart is heavy,
And I cannot keep from whispering this prayer.
Are You there?

And I know You could leave writing on the wall that's just for me.
Or send wisdom while I'm sleeping, like in Solomon's sweet dreams.
But I don't need the strength of Samson or a chariot in the end...
Just Want to know that You still know how many hairs are on my head.
Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now.

 

This is my heart today.

The Waiting Game

So my little one.. W.. is due in exactly thirteen days.

What does that mean? Nothing. It means that she could be here in three hours, three days, thirteen days, or even (God FORBID!) thirty days. I've been stuck in this funny waiting place.. of wanting her to be here NOW and fearing that we are not ready and we need a little bit more time. There are a few more closets to clean out (how much de-cluttering can you do when you moved only a few months ago? I'll be colour coding my towels if left to my own devices!), I could probably stand to reorganize my freezer and label my frozen meals, my floors could use another vaccuum and the tile a quick wipe down, the bathrooms a once-over.....

On any regular day the thought of doing these things is a balm. I take pride in being a house wife.. having clean floor and overly organzied cupboards keep my mind organized.... I know I over-do it and I'm OCD and for some people these things don't matter. That's fine. I'm not saying that they should for everyone, but for me, and the way that I work.. they do... Or they NORMALLY do.

Today they feel menial. Who am I organizing this closet for? So that in a few days at three am when I need to change the sheets in a messy, stinky crib, I know what colour I'm grabbing?

Today there are bigger things to think about. The little girl who's on her way. What kind of home is she coming into? No.. it won't be full of dust and her socks will probably be paired.. thanks to the strange combination of OCD and germaphobia that I seem to have gotten from my Mom and Dad.. but I PRAY and I HOPE that it will be full of love. That along with teaching her the best ways to fold towels and fitted sheets I can teach her to love God above all else... that the secret to chewy chocolate chip cookies is dissolving the baking soda in hot water... that it's okay to make mistakes... that she is immeasurable valued and loved...

Today I realized that even if my house isn't ready, my heart is, and all the rest.. will fall into place..

A "spiritual" slap on the wrist..

I was sitting at lunch with a couple of girlfriends today and we were discussing.. husbands.. what else? Nothing bad! Just talking about the big (and little) differences between men and women.
Now let me be clear- we were not talking badly about our other halves. We were laughing, joking and symapthyzing with each other. I do NOT believe it's okay to ever talk poorly about your spouse to someone else. I respect and love my husband, to his face.. and behind his back, I just wish that from time to time he saw the same things I did when cleaning the kitchen, or didn't trim his nails or give the dog a bath half an hour after I finished cleaning the bathroom. The way that we do things, what we see as "clean" and "dirty"... and WHY OH WHY does he NEVER do things when I ask him to do them?! I'm asking him to do it because I want him to do it now.. not when it works into his schedule in six hours- or even six days. Sometimes I have to use a little self control and not yell out.. "I AM ASKING YOU TO DO IT NOW BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO DO IT NOW!"

And that's when it happened.. SLAP! Right on the wrist...

Our church has been doing a study as a group, it's twelve weeks and called "Experiencing God" and while the small group DVD can be a little.. err.. dry? The daily studies have been challenging me, day in and day out.

Yesterday's study talked about how when we give our life to Christ we give Him the right to use it at His will. Whenever He wants. The door is open. Come in and ask me to do whatever You want, whenver You want.......

But can I honestly say that I would? If I was in the middle of cleaning or on my way out the door with big plans, and he showed up and asked something of me, would I drop what I was doing and go or wait and fit Him into my schedule? I am ashamed to say that I would do the latter.

How many times have I ignored the Lord Of My Life because what He asked didn't fit into my schedule, or I just didn't want to, or I wasn't comfortable..... how STUPID does that sound?! He isn't asking something of me so that He can screw me over, hang me out to dry and laugh about it later.. He isn't asking now so I can fit it in when I want to..

Maybe sometimes He wants to yell at me.. "I AM ASKING YOU TO DO IT NOW BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO DO IT NOW!"