Mamere.

Very early on Wednesday morning we lost my dad's mom to Alzheimer's.

It is a horrible disease, and it's been difficult to watch it rob her of her memories. It was difficult to watch her lose her speach and eventually to fail to recognize each of us...

I sometimes feel like I lost my grandmother twice, because apart from the same shell, I didn't feel like I was saying goodbye to her on Monday night. Her body was leaving but her mind was already gone..

I have since tried to remember a happier and healthier woman. One who would sit with all of her grandchildren and patiently remind us how to play "Steal the Package." I remember the hutch in her living room full of every kind of porcelain figurine you could imagine. As a little girl I could sit and stare at them for hours. I remember evenings at 23 Centenial Boulevard in the spring, watching hundreds and hundreds of little blackbirds return from their winter migration and congregate on the wires. I remember her little Polish-English dictionaries.

When I think of Mamere I think also of the traits that have been passed down through her family, the things that I encounter daily. The "Justa" nose that she shares with her children and the varied appearances it makes in her grandchildren. I remember the shape of her hands, and her love for The Sound of Music, both of which I share with her. I remember the funny way she would say "Yes." and inhale at the same time so it sounded almost like a whisper.. something I've noticed myself and others do. The way that my dad says that food he's eating is "Nice.", something she used to do as well.

These are the things that keep our loved ones close to us after they leave us- and they make the years of waiting in between a little more bearable. I am comforted today by the fact that she knew Jesus and that we will be united again one day. I am comforted by the fact that death is not the end- as once stated in a movie that I saw..

"Lightbulbs die my sweet.. I will depart."

You think it's bad now?! HA! Just wait...

I can't count how many times I've heard the above phrase over the past nine months.

I also can't count how many times I've wanted to punch these phrase-sayers in the face. I'm proud to say I haven't.

It seems that when you are expecting.. and through raising children too, I expect, people seem to feel entitled to do two things for you:

1. Give their opinion, solicited or otherwise, on everything under the sun.

2. Prepare you for how "awful" your future is going to be and all of the terrible things in store for you.

Now while the first is often well-meant and can even sometimes be helpful, it gets draining. After nine months of hearing how everyone under the sun dealt with pregnancy sickness and soreness, to delivery pain and recovery, to new born care, I'm on information overload. Most things now go in one ear and out the other. I smile and nod and I can dismiss them as quick as they come.

The second is the one that I have a REAL issue with...but I never quite understood why until I... GAASSSPPP... caught myself doing it. I started a sentence with.. "You think it's bad now? HA!.." and I wanted to crawl under a rock. I wanted to punch myself in the face.

Why? Why do I have such an issue with this phrase.. with this attitude? Because there is absolutely nothing good about it. It isn't speaking life into someone's future or encouraging them. It is doing the exact opposite. It is saying.. "Oh honey.. it will only get worse from here..." Life is hard enough without the people around us constantly telling us how awful the days to come will be. This day is hard enough as it is.

And the worst part is.. I have noticed at least.. it's only women who do this. Why do we do this to each other? It's as though we think if we go through a hardship everyone else must suffer equally. If I argued with my fiancé while planning our wedding then you must to.. otherwise there might be something wrong with my relationship.. or my feet swelled up in my pregnancy so you're must too.. or it took me ages and ages to get back to pre-pregnancy size so don't expect to fit into your jeans any time soon.. or my husband was useless with our newborn so don't expect anything of your man...

Yes, maybe these are "little things". Or maybe they aren't. They are the things that make life, day in and day out, bearable or unbearable. Yes, planning a wedding is difficult at times, we are bringing two lives together, don't make me paranoid for nothing. No, pregnancy isn't glamorous, but I will find that out on my own. Yes, having a baby and getting no sleep is hard, but I am blessed to have this baby and we will figure it out together.

I recently read a phrase that startled me in a Taylor Swift interview.. she was commenting on the jabs made against her by Tina Faye and Amy Poehler at a recent awards show.. Taylor Swift said that she had once heard Katie Couric say that there is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women.

I'm NOT saying we are all going to hell- but this statement hit me. As women, do we ever really help other women or are we secretly competing and tearing one another down? I think we have all been guilty of it. Life is hard enough as a woman without us taking one other out at the knees every chance we get.

So I challenge you.. and me for that matter.. to check yourself. Check your motives. Build the women around you up. Yes, even the gorgeous ones that always look perfect and have their life together and intimidate the crap out of you... and watch to see how your little acts of love can change someone, and change you. Check your attitude and watch your tongue.

Speak life instead.

So..I am making a point to vow that NEVER AGAIN will I use this phrase. I refuse to create fear in someone's life. I refuse to cast doubt on the future. I will speak LIFE into the women around me. I will build them up. I will smile and say..

It's going to be okay. The sun will rise tomorrow. Walk in the blessing of our Saviour and the knowledge that your future is blessed, that you are never abandoned and never walk alone.