Have you ever visited? I’m basically a permanent resident. The TINIEST thing goes slightly awry and all of a sudden my wildly vivid imagination takes me to this place where the universe is ending. I occasionally dream of
The other day I did this hard thing—there’s this mole on my leg. And it’s freaking me out. EVERY time I’ve looked at it for the past year (yep. I procrastinated for a year)I get this ache in my gut.. I finally made the appointment to have it looked at—and I’m right on the money.. The thing has got to go. I have to have it removed. Talk to a derm. Then we find out if there’s an issue.. but in my “Worst Case Scenario” world I’ve basically already died of cancer and I’m trying to figure out how to pack a lifetime into the next few days because OH MY GOD MY KIDS.. there are so many things left to teach them, so much love left to show them. And I shouldn’t have gotten that babysitter that one time I should have just stayed home because that is time that I should have been with them and I wanted to take them to Discovery Cove so we could snorkel with the manta ray.. (Yes, I’ve seen Blackfish. I’m also not interested in being eaten by a shark so I will do this in a controlled environment thankyouverymuch!) do I write them letters? Record videos?! What about Michael?! I don’t’ want him to be alone. It goes on.. I can’t even write where my head is going. It isn’t funny. It’s frightening.
My family……….
The worst part? I don’t have some stupid little clear cut lesson for how to fix it. I really struggle with staying out of this awful world of terror in my head and staying present in the real one.
I struggle with keeping my focus on Jesus.
OH YEAH JESUS
Ugh. I need to get it together.
To quote Monsters Inc. - "You scare because you care." (see what I did there?) Which is great - at least the caring part! You do know the answer tho, and it's one of those hard-to-keep-in-focus things for sure. Don't forget that your friends are great for talking you down. Don't forget that the One who keeps the universe from spinning apart knows YOU and cares about everything in YOUR universe. Also - don't forget that you aren't alone in this.
ReplyDeleteI get it.
ReplyDeleteThough the ultimate fear may be different, I complete understand that "spiraling out of control" thing that can goes on between my ears....that is where the battle lays, right? I've worried and stressed over the stuff of tomorrow that I've no control over and wasted time...precious time....overlooking the opportunity and promise of today.
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.