Miscarriage.

I feel like every time I sit down to write this post my mind goes blank. I can't remember the words of the English language (or any other language known to mankind for that matter) and the constant background chatter that constantly fills my headspace quiets down and all I'm left with is..

Silence.

To put it simply, words fail me. They fail to communicate the depth of emotion and grief that accompanies miscarriage. They fail to communicate the shock and horror at some of the comments that I got...

"Count it a blessing! you wouldn't have been able to handle twins."
"Everything happens for a reason!"
"You only miscarry unhealthy babies."
 "At least you still have one!"
"Miscarriages are super common.."

All of these things said with the speaker thinking they are somehow easing your pain or granting you some previously unknown perspective on your situation.

All of these things made me want to SCREAM.

Most often though, another woman who had suffered through losing a pregnancy would say nothing to me. Just give a hug, or warm smile, or small nod of understanding. And I appreciated her. There are no words. Only time. And the comfort of Jesus. Those are the only things that heal those wounds.

Within moments I dreamed a lifetime for that little one.

And then it was all over-- and to everyone else, since there is no physical evidence, it's like it never happened. Most of the time I feel like I'm carrying around this giant invisible weight.